Playful wedding vows for a spouse at a church ceremony

I promise to love you even though you still remember our third date disaster — the candle, the tablecloth, the fire extinguisher I didn't know the church kitchen had. You married a man who nearly burned down a bake sale to impress you, and somehow, here we are, standing in an actual building with real candles that I am absolutely not allowed near.

I vow to let you control the thermostat forever, because I have learned that love means never winning that argument, and also I like being warm.

I promise to laugh at your jokes even when they're not that funny, the way you laughed at mine that night the power went out and I tried to propose by candlelight and instead set off the smoke detector.

I vow to keep dancing badly with you in kitchens, hallways, and probably somewhere in this church parking lot later, because that's where we fell in love — one off-beat, uncool dance at a time.

I promise, before God and everyone who had to sit through my aunt's toast, to choose you again tomorrow, and the next day, extinguisher at the ready.

I promise to love you even though you set off a smoke detector trying to be romantic — I remember standing there in the dark, laughing so hard I couldn't even be mad, thinking, well, this is who I'm stuck with, thank God.

I vow to keep adjusting the thermostat to whatever temperature makes you happiest, mostly because your cold hands find my neck at 2 a.m. and I have accepted my fate.

I promise to tell you my unfunny jokes anyway, the way I did the night the power went out, because you laughed like I was a comedian and not a man holding a flashlight upside down.

I vow to keep dragging you onto dance floors and kitchen tiles alike, two left feet and all, because somewhere in all that stumbling I found the person I actually want to keep stumbling with.

I promise, right here under this roof, surrounded by witnesses and one very nervous priest, to love you on purpose every single day — smoke alarms, thermostats, and all.