Playful wedding vows for a husband at a courthouse ceremony

I promise to keep pretending I don't know where you hide the good snacks, even though we both know I found your stash in the garage three months ago.

I vow to laugh at your dad jokes in public, because someone has to, and honestly? They've grown on me. Like fungus. A fungus I chose.

I promise that when you inevitably try to fix something in our home without instructions, I will stand nearby with my phone ready—not to call a professional, but to document your creative problem-solving for posterity.

I vow to be your partner in crime, your co-pilot in chaos, and the person who will always split the last slice of pizza with you, even when I really, really don't want to.

Today, in this courthouse with its fluorescent lighting and suspicious stains on the carpet, I choose you. Every day. Even when you're wrong about which route is faster.

I promise to continue acting surprised every time you 'discover' my snack stash, because your detective work deserves an audience.

I vow to keep telling those dad jokes, because your reluctant smile—the one you try to hide—is worth every groan from everyone else in the room.

I promise that when you stand there with your phone out, watching me wrestle with furniture or plumbing, I will accept your commentary as the loving support it definitely is.

I vow to be your accomplice in adventure, your teammate in trouble, and the person who always offers you the last slice first, knowing you'll suggest we split it.

Today, in this magnificently unromantic government building, I choose you. Forever. Even when you insist on using Apple Maps.