Funny wedding vows for a wife at a garden ceremony

I promise to love you even when you insist on planting vegetables that neither of us will eat. I've made peace with the fact that our garden will always have at least one row of something mysterious that we'll eventually compost.

I vow to be your dedicated bug-removal service, even though you're actually braver than I am. I'll continue pretending that carrying spiders outside makes me your hero, and you can keep pretending you couldn't have done it yourself.

I promise to always laugh at your terrible plant puns, especially the ones you whisper to the tomatoes when you think I'm not listening. I heard 'romaine calm' last Tuesday, and I'm choosing to find it endearing.

I vow to help you wage war against the squirrels, even though we both know they're winning. I'll keep building increasingly elaborate defenses for the bird feeder, and you can keep pretending my engineering degree is finally paying off.

I promise to grow old with you in this garden and every garden we plant together, even if that means spending our retirement arguing about whether hostas count as 'too boring.' They do, but I'll plant them anyway because you love them.

I promise to love you even when you kill every herb I plant within a week. I've accepted that 'watering the basil' is not actually on your list of strengths, and I'll keep buying new ones without complaint.

I vow to keep asking you to remove bugs I could absolutely handle myself, because I know it makes you feel useful. I'll continue to act terrified of spiders that are smaller than a freckle, and you can keep feeling like my protector.

I promise to keep making plant puns until death do us part, and possibly beyond if there's a garden in the afterlife. I know you groan, but I also know you wrote down 'romaine calm' in your phone, so who's really winning here?

I vow to respect your architectural vision for squirrel defense systems, even when they fail spectacularly. I'll keep encouraging your increasingly complicated blueprints, and we can keep feeding the squirrels together while pretending we're not.

I promise to grow old with you, arguing about hostas and debating whether the weeds are 'native wildflowers.' I'll let you plant boring things if you let me plant weird things, and together we'll make the strangest, most loved garden on the block.