Funny wedding vows for a wife at a garden ceremony

I promise to love you as fiercely as you loved those doomed tomato plants last summer — right up until the day you declared them 'dead to me' and bought groceries instead.

I vow to always water the actual plants, and also to water your ambitions, your bad ideas, and occasionally your wine glass when you're mid-rant about raccoons.

Standing here among these flowers that definitely didn't die under our care, I promise to keep believing in things that probably won't work — mostly our garden, but also us, and us is going great.

I promise to never again say 'I told you so' about the tomato cages, even though I absolutely told you so, because loving you means swallowing some truths along with some mediocre homegrown produce.

Today I choose you, under blossoms that are thriving purely out of spite toward our gardening skills, and I will keep choosing you even when our next harebrained backyard project inevitably ends in a trip to the hardware store.

I promise to love you as patiently as I waited for you to admit the tomatoes were a lost cause, which took you three extra weeks and one unhinged Pinterest board.

I vow to bring the snacks and the sarcasm in equal measure, and to let you have your gardening dreams even when they're held together by hope and too much fertilizer.

Surrounded by flowers that clearly know what they're doing, unlike us last July, I promise to keep showing up for your wild ideas, because somehow they usually lead somewhere good — eventually, after some yelling at squirrels.

I promise to never let you buy another 'foolproof' plant without side-eyeing you a little, and to love you through every optimistic purchase that follows.

Today I marry my favorite disaster-gardener, my favorite person, under blooms we definitely didn't plant ourselves, and I promise this love will outlast every tomato plant we ever kill together.