Funny wedding vows for a wife at a beach ceremony

I promise to always reapply your sunscreen, even when you insist you're 'fine' and then spend the next three days looking like a lobster who made poor life choices. I've learned that 'I don't burn' is your version of 'hold my beer.'

I vow to continue pretending that the seagull incident at our picnic last summer was not a direct result of you hand-feeding them like some kind of beach Disney princess. I will defend your honor when people bring it up, even though we both know you created a monster.

I promise to love you even when you track sand into every corner of our home, our car, and somehow our refrigerator. I accept that sand is now just part of our ecosystem, like love and your inability to close cabinet doors.

I vow to always be your partner in terrible beach volleyball, your companion in mistiming every single wave, and the person who pretends not to notice when you try to look cool carrying the surfboard you've used exactly twice.

I promise to build you a sandcastle empire every summer, to hold your hand during sunset walks even when my feet are covered in blisters from those 'comfortable' sandals you convinced me to buy, and to love you more with each grain of sand we collect in our pockets and our years together.

I promise to graciously accept your sunscreen reapplication services, even though I maintain I have a 'base tan' and you're being dramatic. I will try to say thank you instead of 'I'm FINE' at least sixty percent of the time.

I vow never to speak of the seagull incident, except to clarify for the record that they were clearly already aggressive birds and I was simply being kind. I promise to love you despite your completely unfair characterization of my generous spirit and excellent rapport with wildlife.

I promise to make genuine efforts to de-sand myself before entering our home, while acknowledging that beach life chose us and sand is now our third roommate. I will love you even when you dramatically vacuum the same spot for five minutes while making pointed eye contact.

I vow to continue inviting you to play beach volleyball despite our combined athletic ability hovering near 'enthusiastic toddler' level. I promise to always laugh with you when we wipe out in the waves, because being terrible at ocean sports together is somehow our thing now.

I promise to be your forever beach companion, your sunset photographer even though you never like how you look in any of them, and the person who loves you more than I love the ocean—which, as you know, is saying absolutely everything.