Funny wedding vows for a spouse at a vineyard wedding

I promise to love you even when you insist on swirling grocery store wine like it's a 1947 Bordeaux. I will nod seriously when you detect 'notes of blackberry and leather,' even when we both know it tastes like Tuesday.

I vow to always let you have the last sip, unless it's really good, in which case I promise to feel appropriately guilty about finishing it while you were in the bathroom.

I promise to remember that the great wine-tasting disaster of 2019—when you confidently declared the white was red because the lights were dim—is only funny eleven months out of the year. We don't speak of it in August.

I will stand by you through corked bottles and fruit flies, through wine stains on white couches and that phase where you wanted to make our own merlot in the closet. I will love you in fermentation and in clarity.

Today, surrounded by these vines, I promise to grow alongside you—slowly, sometimes stubbornly, but always reaching toward the sun. And if we occasionally turn to vinegar, I'll still choose you for my salad.

I promise to love you even though you pronounce it 'pee-note grij-ee-oh' and refuse to be corrected. Your confidence is what made me fall for you, even when it's wildly misplaced.

I vow to stop bringing up the wine-tasting disaster of 2019, except in August, which you've mysteriously declared off-limits. I still don't understand your calendar-based embargo, but I respect it because I love you.

I promise that when we're old and gray, I'll still pretend your homemade wine experiments were 'bold' and 'avant-garde' rather than what they actually were: illegal and undrinkable. The closet still smells like regret and oak.

I will be your designated driver, your cork-puller, your voice of reason when you try to pronounce French wine regions after you've already had French wine.

Today, in this vineyard, I promise to age with you gracefully—or at least to age with you. We'll grow complex and full-bodied, or possibly just full. Either way, you're my vintage, my favorite year, the one I'll never stop choosing.