Funny wedding vows for a spouse at a destination wedding

I flew four thousand miles, survived a layover that aged me ten years, and let a stranger named Dmitri do my eye makeup in a hotel bathroom, all so I could stand here and tell you that you still make me laugh harder than anyone on this earth.

Remember the night the power went out at the villa and we had exactly one flashlight and a box of crackers? You built us a blanket fort and narrated it like a nature documentary. I knew then that no matter where we are, you'll turn the dark into something I want to stay in.

I promise to always let you pick the music, even when it's the same six songs on a loop, because watching you dance badly in a kitchen is my favorite form of entertainment.

I promise to never let you walk into the ocean alone without reminding you, loudly, that you don't actually know how to swim.

Today, with sand in places sand should never be, I promise to keep choosing this life with you — flashlight in hand, crackers be damned.

I packed four swimsuits, zero sunscreen, and total confidence that you'd remember the sunscreen, which you did not, so we're even now.

That night the power went out, I was terrified for exactly thirty seconds before you turned it into a blanket fort and a one-man wildlife special narrated in a British accent I still can't explain. I promise to follow you into every blackout, literal or otherwise, because you make the dark feel like an adventure.

I promise to always pretend I don't know you're hiding snacks, because your happiness, snack-related or otherwise, is now officially my responsibility.

I promise to hold your hand in the ocean even though you clearly cannot save either of us, because drowning together sounds more romantic than drowning alone.

So here, with my dress hem soaked and my dignity somewhere in the tide, I promise to keep laughing with you in every blackout, every fort, every ridiculous beautiful mile we travel from here.