Funny wedding vows for a spouse at a church ceremony

I promise to love you even though you alphabetize the spice rack but still can't find the cumin, and then blame the spice rack.

Remember the night the power went out and you lit twelve candles and set off the smoke alarm trying to make 'ambiance'? I promise to always keep a fire extinguisher within reach of your romantic gestures.

I vow to let you steal the blankets, steer the aux cord, and win every argument about whether the thermostat is 'basically a sauna setting.'

Standing here in front of God, our families, and that one cousin who's definitely recording this for TikTok, I promise to laugh with you more than at you — mostly.

I promise to be your plus-one at every family event, your emergency snack supplier, and the person who pretends your singing isn't a biohazard.

You are my favorite weirdo, my built-in laugh track, and now, officially, my husband/wife — for better, for worse, and for whatever happens next time you try to 'fix' the Wi-Fi.

I promise to love you even though you narrate movies we've both already seen, confidently, as if you're the director's commentary track.

That night the power went out? You lit twelve candles like we were summoning something, and I nearly called the fire department out of love, not panic. I vow to always know where the extinguisher is, because apparently that's our love language now.

I vow to fight you — gently, lovingly — over the thermostat forever, and to never admit defeat even when I'm visibly sweating in December.

Here in this church, with everyone watching and at least one relative whispering about the open bar, I promise to be your partner in crime, your alibi, and your biggest fan in questionable karaoke choices.

I promise to steal your fries without asking, laugh at your terrible puns in public, and defend your honor when someone says your singing is 'unique.'

You're my favorite disaster, my permanent inside joke, and now, officially, my husband/wife — for better, for worse, and for every future Wi-Fi emergency we will absolutely survive together.