Funny wedding vows for a spouse at a church ceremony

I promise to love you even when you insist that your shower temperature is 'perfectly normal' and not, in fact, the surface of the sun. I will continue to enter that bathroom despite the steam obscuring all visibility, because that's what love is.

I vow to always laugh at your jokes, even the ones you've told me seventeen times. Especially the one about the GPS incident on our second date when you argued with it for twenty minutes before realizing you'd entered the wrong state. I knew then you were stubborn enough to make a marriage work.

I promise to split the last cookie with you, even when I really, really don't want to. I will try to remember that marriage is about sacrifice, compromise, and pretending I'm not mentally calculating whether I got the bigger half.

Before God and everyone who showed up despite the parking situation, I vow to be your partner in all things: in laughter and in tears, in sickness and in health, in correctly loading the dishwasher and in pretending not to notice when you absolutely do not. I choose you, today and every day, forever.

I promise to love you even when you claim you're 'not cold' while visibly shivering, and then steal all the blankets at 3 AM anyway. I will keep my complaints to a minimum and invest in warmer pajamas, because apparently that's my life now.

I vow to keep telling you that story about the GPS, because your face when you realized we were headed to the wrong state entirely is a memory I will treasure until I'm old and gray. I knew right then that anyone who could laugh at themselves like that was someone I could laugh with for a lifetime.

I promise to always give you the last cookie, while making it very clear through strategic sighing that I am making a tremendous sacrifice. I will accept whatever microscopically uneven piece you cut for me with grace, because that's what the minister said marriage is about. I think.

Before God and these witnesses who definitely deserve better parking, I vow to walk beside you through everything life brings: through joy and sorrow, through richer and poorer, through your insistence that you know a 'shortcut' and my insistence on just following the directions. I choose you, now and always, forever and ever.