Funny wedding vows for a spouse at a beach ceremony

I promise to always reapply your sunscreen, even when you insist you're 'fine' and then spend the next three days looking like a lobster who made poor life choices. I will not say 'I told you so' more than twice per burn.

I vow to continue pretending that the seagull incident at our first beach picnic was 'not that bad,' even though we both know you screamed like you were in a horror movie and threw an entire sandwich at a bird the size of a softball.

I promise to build sandcastles with you well into our golden years, and to always let you add the little flag on top, because apparently that's 'the most important part' and I've learned not to argue about architectural hierarchy.

I will love you through every tide—high, low, and that weird in-between one where all the seaweed washes up. I'll hold your hand during jellyfish season and during tax season, because honestly, both are pretty terrifying.

Today, with sand already in my shoes and salt in the air, I choose you. Forever. Even though you just whispered that you forgot to put on deodorant this morning.

I promise to never let you live down the seagull incident, despite what you just said in your vows. That bird was absolutely targeting me, and your sandwich-throwing advice of 'just stay calm' was useless. But I'll love you anyway.

I vow to remember the sunscreen without being reminded, at least forty percent of the time. And when I inevitably forget and turn into a human tomato, I'll accept your gentle care and only minimal gloating.

I promise to take sandcastle construction as seriously as you do, even when other beach-goers judge us. Yes, we're adults with engineering degrees building moats. Yes, we'll defend our creation from small children. This is who we are now.

I will stand beside you through every season—hurricane warnings, tourist season, and that one week every year when you insist on trying to surf despite having the balance of a newborn giraffe. I'll be there with the first-aid kit and encouragement.

Here, with the ocean as our witness and sand in places sand should never be, I choose you. Always. And I definitely did remember deodorant, for the record.