Funny wedding vows for a partner at a courthouse ceremony

I want to start by saying I did not cry waiting in line at the courthouse, but only because you held the number ticket like it was the Hope Diamond and I was too busy laughing at you.

Remember the night the power went out and you tried to light a candle with the smoke alarm still going off, insisting it was 'ambiance'? I knew then I wanted a lifetime of your terrible ideas.

I promise to always let you pick the ambiance, even when it means we eat dinner by phone flashlight. I promise to be the one who finds the actual candles.

You make bureaucracy fun, which should not be possible, and yet here we are, vowing forever in a building that also processes parking tickets.

So today, in front of a clerk who has seen four weddings and one dog custody hearing this morning, I promise to love you with the same stubborn devotion you showed that smoke alarm.

I do, I did, I will — mostly because you already filled out the paperwork and I didn't want to waste the fifty dollars.

In my defense, the smoke alarm incident was a controlled experiment in romance, and you're welcome for the lighting design.

Remember the night the power went out and you narrated the whole thing like a nature documentary about 'the elusive calm boyfriend in his natural habitat'? That's when I knew I was stuck with you, happily.

I promise to keep finding questionable ways to set the mood, and I promise to let you be the responsible one who finds actual candles and, apparently, matches.

You make even a courthouse feel like a cathedral, which is impressive given the fluorescent lighting and the guy in line complaining about jury duty.

So today, with a clerk who definitely wants us to hurry up for the 11 o'clock couple, I promise to love you with the same ridiculous confidence I had lighting that candle in the dark.

I do, I will, I already told my mother we're married — mostly because I was too excited to wait for the actual ceremony.