Funny wedding vows for a partner at a church ceremony

I stand here, in this holy place, with my hand on my heart and my mind on the night the power went out mid-dinner-party and you lit every candle in the house like we were starring in a budget remake of a gothic novel.

Before God and everyone we know, I promise to always find the flashlight before you ask twice, and to never, ever let you blow out a candle near the good tablecloth again.

You handled that blackout with more grace than I handle Mondays, and I vow to bring that same calm to our marriage, even when I've lost my keys for the third time this week.

I promise to laugh with you, not just at your jokes but at mine too, since someone in this relationship has to, and I promise it'll usually be me, eating my own punchlines.

So here, under this roof and not by candlelight, I choose you — my favorite person to be stuck in the dark with, literally and otherwise.

I remember that blackout too, mostly because you tried to fix the fuse box using the flashlight on your phone and the confidence of a man who had never once touched a fuse box.

In this church, in front of people who love us enough to sit through this, I promise to let you 'handle it' while I quietly call someone who actually knows what they're doing.

That night, in the candlelight, you made burnt grilled cheese taste like a five-star meal just by narrating it like a cooking show host, and I vow to keep eating your questionable cooking with enthusiasm forever.

I promise to be your backup plan, your spare batteries, and your built-in laugh track, because someone has to clap when your jokes land — even the ones that don't.

So here, in the light, I promise to keep choosing you, mostly because the dark is a lot less scary with you narrating it badly beside me.