Funny wedding vows for a husband at a church ceremony

Standing here in this beautiful church, under this beautiful ceiling, I want to talk about the night our caterer forgot the food at the rehearsal dinner. You stayed calm. I ordered seventeen dollars of gas station nachos and called it 'rustic.' You ate them like they were from a Michelin-starred truck stop, and that's when I knew you were the one.

I promise to always order backup nachos, literally and emotionally, for the rest of our lives.

I promise to let you be right about eighty percent of the time, which, statistically, is already more than I give myself.

I promise to laugh at your jokes even when they're not funny, which — you should know by now — is most of the time, and I'm clapping internally right now as I say that.

Before God, this priest, and my mother who is already crying, I promise to love you through every forgotten reservation, every burnt dinner, and every ridiculous plan you talk me into. You're my favorite disaster, and I'd marry you in a parking lot eating gas station nachos all over again.

I also want to bring up the night of the missing rehearsal dinner food, because you handed me a bag of nachos like it was a Fabergé egg and said 'I got us covered,' and honestly, that confidence has carried this entire relationship.

I promise to never let you forget that you once called 7-Eleven nachos 'an experience,' and to bring it up at every anniversary dinner from here on out.

I promise to love you even when you take forty-five minutes to find your car keys, which are, statistically, always in your hand.

I promise to pretend I don't see you practicing your vows in the mirror this morning, even though the whole neighborhood probably heard you.

Standing here in this church, with everyone watching, including that one judgmental stained-glass saint above the altar, I promise to choose you — nacho emergencies, missing keys, and all — every single day, for as long as we both shall laugh.